Well, The Captain Smiles

A couple years ago, before her tumultuous fall from mediocrity to laughingstock, Jessica McBride wrote a story for Milwaukee Magazine in which she explored the spate of drownings in La Crosse, WI. Her article fed into the conspiracy theory that there was some "demonic gang" that was responsible for these deaths, leaving behind a calling card of a smiley face.

Common sense and consensus concurred that it was most likely a series of young men getting drunk and falling into the Mississippi River. That was again reinforced here in Milwaukee:

Man was drunk when he fell in

A 55-year-old man had to be rescued from the Kinnickinnic River early this morning.

According to witnesses, the man appeared to be intoxicated when he fell in at 4th and Becher.

Well, in fairness to McBride, the Captain does smile.